| EXCLUSIVE DICKHAMMER SAMPLE!!! PUKES AND SNIFFS ARMPITS |
[Mar. 14th, 2011|04:34 pm]
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| [ | Current Mood |
| | SATAN | ] | I FINALLY FOUND MY FISHER PRICE WALKIE TALKIES THAT I STOLE FROM SOME STUPID LITTLE KID SO I COULD RECORD OUR ALBUM TO GIVE IT THAT GRITTY AND GRIM FEEL!! PULLS TAMPON OUT THEN SNIFFS IT FOR THREE HOURS
THIS IS FROM OUR "RAPE YOU WITH THE MOUTH OF SATAN" ALBUM THAT WILL BE RELEASED WHENEVER I FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT!! DRINKS A CARTON OF CURDLED MILK FOUND IN THE LOCAL DUMPSTER.
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| DICKHAMMER INTERVIEW |
[Jun. 9th, 2010|12:33 am]
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A RARE INTERVIEW WE GAVE FOR FMP666.COM
1) ELMER BAAL GOATFUCKER, YOU WERE RECENTLY IN PRISON FOR KILLING CHRISTIANS FOR PROTESTING YOUR SHOWS. HOW DID YOU GET RELEASED SO SOON? ELMER: WELL, SINCE BUTCHYJENE IS SUCH A GOOD FRIEND OF SATAN, SHE GOT ON HER KNEES AND PRAYED TO HIM AND BEFORE I KNEW IT, I ESCAPED DEATH ROW!! PRAISE OUR FATHER SATAN!! BUTCHYJENE: I THANK THE GOOD LORD SATAN FOR WASHING HIS SOUL BLACK AND TO REMOVE ALL PURITY FROM IT AND FILL IT WITH THE LOVE OF SATAN!!! BITES THE HEAD OFF OF A PARROT AND SMOKES CRACK OUT OF IT
2) HAHA, I SEE. YOU ARE BOTH VERY DEDICATED TO SERVING SATAN. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO YOU WHEN DICKHAMMER IS REGARDED AS THE MOST SATANIC BLACK METAL BAND TO EVER EXIST? WHAT ABOUT THOSE WHO DOUBT YOUR AUTHENTICITY?
ELMER: WHAT DOES AUTHENTICITY MEAN? BUTCHYJENE: IT MEANS IM GOING TO AUTHENTICALLY SHOVE MY FUCKING FIST DOWN YOUR THROAT IF YOU DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME FINISH THIS INTERVIEW!!! WE DONT NEED OUR FANS TO VALIDATE OUR DEDICATION TO SATAN!! HES IN OUR BAND FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! THOSE WHO THINK OF US AS A JOKE CAN GO SUCK ON A STRAP-ON IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF CONSTRUCTION WORKERS AT A TRUCKSTOP!!! THEY HAVENT ACCEPTED SATAN AS THEIR PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOR!!! GETS SHOT GLASS AND SCOOPS IT INTO THE CLOGGED TOILET FILLED WITH DIARRHEA AND CHUGS WITH WITH VODKA
3) YOUR DEBUT ALBUM WAS DUE OUT ON DECEMBER 25TH. HOWEVER, THE ALBUM WASN'T RELEASED NOR WAS THERE A TITLE ANNOUNCED. ANY PARTICULAR REASON WHY? WHAT IS THE TITLE OF YOUR ALBUM?
BUTCHYJENE: ITS CALLED "RAPE YOU WITH THE MOUTH OF SATAN" AND IT WASNT RELEASED BECAUSE OUR DUMBASS BAND MATE ELMER GOT ARRESTED FOR FUCKING FARM ANIMALS!! PUTS ON WIFE BEATER WITH BROWN ARMPIT STAINS AND TAKES A DUMP WHILE READING THE SATANIC BIBLE
4) WHEN WILL THE ALBUM BE RELEASED?
BUTCHYJENE: IT WILL BE RELEASED WHENEVER WE FUCKING FEEL LIKE RELEASING IT!! PRAISE SATAN ALMIGHTY!! PICKS THE MAGGOTS OFF A DEAD SKUNK AND EATS THEM
5) IS THERE A REASON WHY YOU CHOSE TO FOLLOW SATAN AND DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO SERVING HIM?
BUTCHYJENE: WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE FOR COOKING AND LISTENING TO MARILYN MANSON BACKWARDS THE SONG TOLD ME THAT SCHOOL IS FOR STUPID JESUS FREAKS AND THAT I SHOULD FOLLOW THE PATH OF SATAN!!!! I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEGAN SPEAKING IN TONGUES TO HIM AND ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS FROM BEING SUCH A LOSER!! FROM THAT POINT SATAN TOOK ME BY THE HAND AND I PUT MY FOOTPRINTS IN HIS AND IVE BEEN HIS MINISTER ON EARTH EVER SINCE!!
6) WELL, THAT CONCLUDES OUR INTERVIEW. ANY LAST WORDS?
BUY OUR FUCKING ALBUM AND FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS AND SATAN WILL NEVER STEER YOU WRONG!! SCRATCHES HEMORRHOIDS |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2009|03:17 pm]
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GOOD NEWS YOU FUDGEPACKING JESUS FREAKS!!!!!!!!! SINCE DICKHAMMER HATES CHRISTIANITY AND WE DEVOTED OUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE TO OUR MASTER SATAN OUR ALBUM WILL BE RELEASED FOR INTERNET DOWNLOAD ON DECEMBER 25TH!!!!!!
FARTS IN THE MICROPHONE THEN SNIFFS IT WHILE SCREAMING INTO IT
THATS RIGHT!!!!!!
OUR LINEUP IS COMPLETE:
BUTCHYJENE - VOCALS SATANIC PREACHING GUITARS SATAN - AMBIENT BACKWARDS MASKING SINGING SERMONS ELMER BAAL GOATFUCKER - SESSION MEMBER |
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| MY EX-BANDMATE BROTHER IN SATAN JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON!!! |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|07:06 pm]
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| [ | Current Location |
| | IOWA | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | GRIM | ] | YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT!!! BUTCHYJENE AND THE SATANOHOLICS ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER TO FINISH WHAT WE STARTED!!! WE WILL BE RECORDING UNDER THE NAME "DICKHAMMER"
PROOF THAT WITH SATAN BY YOUR SIDE WITH YOUR SWORD AND SHIELD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!! I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHAT THOSE JESUS FREAKS AT THE AA MEETINGS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT EITHER!!!

IM GONNA RECRUIT SOME MORE PEOPLE SO IF YOU WANNA BE A MEMBER JUST LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW AND TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE SATAN AND CRACK AND WHAT INSTRUMENT YOU PLAY!!! THEN COME BY MY TRAILOR TO AUDITION
SPITS IN HAND AND SLICKS BACK MULLET WITH IT THEN PULLS A CUBAN CIGAR OUT OF MY CROTCH AND SMOKES IT WHILE GRUNTING AND FARTING
MORE ABOUT MY BAND MEMBER OUT OF JAIL SATAN BROKE HIM OUT OF JAIL AND HE WAS ON DEATH ROW FOR KILLING A BUNCH OF CHRISTIANS WHO WERE PROTESTING AT OUR SHOWS!!! OUR ALBUM IS GOING TO BE CALLED "CRACK AND SATAN MAKE YOU SEXY" WE HAVE THE TRACK LIST AND LYRICS ALREADY!!!
1. A MOMENT OF SILENCE AND PRAYER TO OBSERVE THE GIFTS SATAN HAS BESTOWED UPON US 2. DESTROY THE CHRISTIAN FAITH 3. VARG IS A FUCKING FAGGOT AND I WISH I ASSASSINATED HIM WHEN HE WALKED OUT OF THE PRISON GATES 4. SLAUGHTERING SQUIRRELS IN THE NAME OF OUR MASTER SATAN 5. INFERNAL BLOOD SPAT FORTH FROM THY RECTUM UNTO THY POSERS WHO DEFY SATAN!!! 6. CRACK AND SATAN MAKE YOU SEXY 7. EATING BLOODY PUSSIES AND PULLING TAMPONS OUT WITH YOUR TEETH\ 8. SATAN LOVES ME 9. I'M GONNA FUCKING STAB THE NEXT COMMIE I SEE 39 TIMES AND THEN START AN AMBIENT BAND WHEN I GO TO PRISON 10. KANWULF NICHT KRIEG BUT MY FUCKING BAND IS!!! BURPS AND FARTS 11-65. SILENCE 66. PAINT IT BLACK MOTHERFUCKER!!! (ROLLING STONES COVER) 67. MY GOTHIC HOT AND SWEATY DYKE CROTCH THAT SMELLS
( THE MOTHERFUCKING LYRICS!!!!!!Collapse ) |
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| REHAB IS FOR FUCKIGN QUITTERS!!!! |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|12:20 am]
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| [ | Current Mood |
| | SOBER | ] | PUKES ON AN ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS BIG BOOK THEN WIPES SKIDMARKS OFF DIRTY UNDERWEAR WITH THE PREAMBLE
I HAD DRUG OVERDOSE AND THE DOCTOR AT THE ER TOLD ME I HAD TO GO TO REHAB FOR A YEAR OR ELSE THEY WERE GOING TO PUT ME IN A MOTHERFUCKING INSANE ASYLUM!!!!
REHAB FUCKING SUCKS!!! ALTHOUGH IT WASN'T ALL THAT BAD SINCE I MET THIS HOT BITCH NAMED BETTY WHO SNUCK IN SOME CRACK AND LET ME SUCK IT OUT OF HER CUNT!!! I FELL IN LOVE WITH HER AND SHE'S GOING TO BE ON LIVEJOURNAL SOON TOO!! SATAN WAS THERE HOLDING MY HAND THE WHOLE TIME LIKE THE GOOD FRIEND HE IS!!! I TAUGHT BETTY ABOUT THE JOYS OF BEING A SATANIST AND HOW WITH HIM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!!
BOY THEY DID HAVE SOME STUPID FUCKING SLOGANS!!! BETTY AND I MADE OUR OWN UP!!!
LICK LICK LICK SATAN DOES IT EAT OUT A NEWCOMER LET GO FUCK GOD AND HAIL SATAN!!!! EAT ONE CUNT AT A TIME LIFE ON SATAN'S TERMS
JUST FOR TODAY I WILL SMOKE LOTS OF CRACK AND SWING MY MULLET AROUND FOR THE HOT BITCHES AT THE CLAM BAR!!! SINCE IVE BEEN SOBER FOR OVER A YEAR IVE BEEN GOING TO THE ONE AT THE FARMERS MARKET TO MEET SOME HOT CHICKS WITH BETTY!!!
SINCE BETTY IS MY SPONSOR SHE IS MAKING ME DO STEPS AND I ACTUALLY SPOKE AT AN AA MEETING!!! I GOT MY COIN AND EVERYONE GOT PISSED OFF AT ME BECAUSE I KEPT TALKING ABOUT HOW GOD SUCKS AND HOW SATAN HAS BEEN BY MY SIDE THIS ENTIRE TIME!!!
POPS A BOIL ON MY STOMACH AND SUCKS OUT ALL THE PUSS |
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| SOME JOKES I SAID DURING MY LAST STAND UP ACT AT THE COFFE SHOP FARTS |
[Jul. 27th, 2008|03:38 am]
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HOW MANY DYKES DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? NONE BECAUSE THEYRE TOO BUSY LICKING THEIR CUNTS AND THEY LIKE THE DARK!!!!
WHY DID THE BISEXUAL CROSS THE ROAD? SHE SAW A HOT PROSTITUTE AND REALIZED THAT IT WAS A HERMAPHRODITE!!!!!
WHATS A DYKES FAVORITE CEREAL? CUM FROSTED MINI SHREDDED WHEAT CUNTS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
WHATS A FAGGOTS FAVORITE JOB???? BEING FUDGEPACKERS!!!!!!!
WHY DO FAGGOTS MAKE GOOD LAWYERS? BECAUSE THEY LIKE TO FUCK PEOPLE UP THE ASS FOR A LOT OF CASH!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
EATS A MOLDY SLICE OF PIZZA |
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| I WROTE A NEW SONG |
[Jul. 27th, 2008|01:54 am]
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I SEE A RED DOOR AND I WANT IT PAINTED BLACK NO MORE FUCKING COLORS I WANT THEM ALL BLACK !! EXCEPT FOR PEOPLE YOU KNOW BECAUSE I AM BLACKHEART SOUL ROT RAVENCUNT SLUTWHORE I SEE THE GIRLS WALK BY AND I LOOK UP THEIR SKIRTS AT THEIR CUNTS I WANT TO LICK THEM TILL THEY TURN BLACK ! GRUNTS AND FARTS I HAVE TO SMOKE SOME CRACK UNTIL MY DARKNESS GOES THEN SATAN COMES OVER AND SHOOTS ME UP WITH SPEED !!!!!! SHEMHAMFORMOTHERFUCKINGRASH MOTHERFUCKERS !!!!!! I SEE A LINE OF CARS AND I WANT TO PAINT THEM BLACK WITH FLOWERS IN THE GARDEN I WISH THEY WOULD TURN INTO CRACK I TAKE A HIT AND QUICKLY TURN AWAY TO SEE IF THE COPS ARE COMING TO SEE ME CHOKE THIS FUCKING SQUIRREL THAT KNOCKED OVER MY LAST ROCK !!!! MOTHERFUCKER FUCK THE FUCKING COPS !! LIKE A NEWBORN BABY IT HAPPENS EVERYDAY I CANT HELP IT THAT I AM OBESE AND GAY I WAS BORN IN THE MONTH OF MAY GRUNTS AND FARTS GRUNTS AND FARTS I LOOK INSIDE MYSELF AND I SEE MY HEART IS BLACK I SEE MY RED DOOR HAS BEEN PAINTED BLACK NOBODY WANTS TO COME OVER ANYMORE BECAUSE I SMOKE TOO MUCH CRACK FUCK THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS !!!
THIS ONES CALLED MY GOTHIC HOT AND SWEATY DYKE CROTCH THAT SMELLS HAHAHAHAHA
I SMELL DOGSHIT OUT MY WINDOW WHAT THE FUCK THE SMELL WONT GO AWAY!!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!! TAKES A PISS OUT THE WINDOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY SATAN MY MASTER PLEASE MAKE THIS SMELL GO AWAY!! OH WAIT A SECOND IT JUST CROSSED MY MIND ITS MY SMELLY CROTCH I HAVENT WASHED IT SINCE 1989 SOME HOT SLUTTY DYKE IS PASSED OUT ON MY DIRTY BED I TAKE DUMPS ON THE FLOOR I DONT HAVE A TOILET ANYMORE ILL JUST USE HER MOUTH INSTEAD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2008|12:38 am]
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| [ | Current Mood |
| | SATANIC | ] | HEY YOU MOTHERFUCKERS !
TAKES A BIG SHIT IN CHRIS CROCKERS MOUTH AND THEN WIPES IT ON HILARY CLINTONS BIG FAT CUNT
I WASNT ON THE INTERNET BECAUSE I STARTED A NEW SATANS MISSIONARYS GROUP !!! WE GO TO OTHER COUNTRIES TO SPREAD THE WORD OF SATAN AND ALL HIS GLORY !! IT MADE ME SO HAPPY TO SEE EHTIOPIAN KIDS RUNNING AROUND SHOUTING HAIL SATAN !!!
PULLS A GIANT MILLIPEDE OFF MY CLIT AND TAKES A BIG HIT OF CRACK AND GRUNTS
I HAVE TO STEAL MY NEIGHBORS FORKLIFT TOMORROW BECAUSE I HAVE TO REMOVE ALL THE SHIT FROM MY LIVING ROOM !! I CANT AFFORD A TOILET AND I THINK THE INTERNET IS MORE IMPORTANT MOTHERFUCKER !!
TAKES A SHIT AND WIPES ASS WITH A BIBLE |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|07:32 pm]
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WHATS UP CUMDUMPSTERS!!!!
EATS A TWO YEAR OLD ABORTED FETUS ON SOME WHEAT THINS
I WAS IN JAIL AGAIN FOR POSSESSION OF CRACK AND MY TRAILER GOT RAIDED AND THE POLICE FOUND A BUNCH OF DEAD PUPPIES IN MY BATH TUB WHICH I HAVENT USED IN YEARS BECAUSE I USE THE LAKE WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE TAKING A SHOWER!! I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MOTHERFUCKING COURT AGAIN AND ALSO BECAUSE I THREW MY EX DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS BECAUSE SHE MADE FUN OF SATAN AND MARILYN MANSON!! FUCK YOU WHORE!! DONT YOU KNOW THEY ARE MY BEST FUCKING FRIENDS!! CUNT!!
PULLS DOWN PANTS AND TAKES A SHIT ON THE FLOOR WHILE RAPING THE MOUTH OF SOME NEARBY CHRISTIAN PASSED OUT DRUNK ON THE COUCH I STOLE FROM BED BATH AND BEYOND
OKAY I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU ALL AND YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE IT AND IF THATS THE CASE THEN FUCK YOU!!!!! SINCE I WENT TO JAIL THIS LAST TIME I STARTED LISTENING TO SOME GANGSTER RAP AND I AM FORMING MY OWN BLACK METAL GANSTER RAP CROSSOVER BAND!!
FUCK GOTTA GO THE FUCKING POLICE ARE BANGING DOWN MY DOOR!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2006|01:45 am]
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I CAN FINALLY MAKE AN ENTRY YOU DIPSHITS!!
MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAVE BEEN DOING NOTHING BUT HAVING SEX SINCE I LAST UPDATED!! I AM LIVING IN LA NOW WITH HER TOO BUT SHE WOULD GET MAD WHENEVER I WOULD TRY TO GO ON HERE AND WOULD THREATEN TO LEAVE ME!!! WELL IM NOT GOING TO HAVE MY WHORE DUMP ME BECAUSE I WENT ON LIVEJOURNAL!! ID RATHER FUCK HER INSTEAD!!
IN OTHER NEWS MY HORMONES I AM TAKING TO BECOME A MAN ARE FUCKING WORKING GREAT! IM STARTING TO GROW MY OWN SCHLONG SO I FUCKED MY WOMAN WITH MY LITTLE STUMP LAST NIGHT WHILE SATAN WATCHED WITH POPCORN!! ITS GONNA BE MUCH BIGGER IN ANOTHER YEAR OR TWO I TELL HER!! JUST KEEP SUCKING IT AND WATCH IT GROW!!
PLAYS WITH COCK AND CLIT AT THE SAME TIME AND DRY HUMPS AN OLD AND MOLDY BIG MAC THEN PISSES ON IT AND EATS IT UP
ANYWAY HERE IS A PHOTO OF MY WOMAN!

FUCK I GOTTA GO SHES HOME! |
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